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Listen to your BS Meter

I recently took an intensive writing workshop, and it has motivated me to learn the craft by practicing daily writing assignments.  I’d like to share one with you here.

This particular assignment was to select a recent incident in my life, write a brief story about it, explain what I learned from the experience, and suggest how the outcome might benefit the reader.

I am a newbie to the writing world, so I have decided to use this forum to try out my work.  I’m hoping this practice will keep me on the path of daily writing, and help me gain confidence in putting myself out there.

If so moved, please let me know if I did, or did not, achieve the task as presented!

The Story Begins:

I don’t know what prompted me to do it. I had contemplated it a few times, but in this moment, something compelled me to do it.  NOW.  I grabbed my phone and searched for her Facebook page.

There it was.  Loud and clear.  Unmistakable.  All my fears and suspicions confirmed.

The healing practitioner I have worked with regularly for the past five years, to whom I have paid thousands and thousands of dollars, was spouting vitriol.  “Democrats are pure evil” stung the most.  Then: “Democrats must feel glee that another small business has closed,” and oh, yeah, this one: “#Obamagate, the most corrupt administration in history, is coming to light.” It went on.

And on.

As I scrolled through the litany, a memory was triggered.

A few weeks ago, I had resumed my weekly healing sessions after two months of the COVID-19 Lockdown. Inexplicably, I felt awkward as I entered the office wearing a face mask. There was a swift flash of a condescending smirk that passed between my care provider and her partner as I walked in the door.  I now recall the embarrassment I felt, my quick removal of the mask, sheepishly explaining I wasn’t the least bit concerned about getting the virus. Just following protocol.  I felt shamed in that moment, but I suppressed it.

I continued scheduling my sessions.

As time went on, I could no longer ignore the inner discord emerging, and something unsettled rumbling in my belly.  These persistent physical sensations were the prompt to LOOK.  Discomfort was goading me. I needed to know. Know what, I wasn’t sure.  But I had to find out. My body trembled, my pulse raced, and my breathing became jagged as I read each successive post. I felt betrayed. I was certain she knew I was a democrat. I felt vulnerable.

My trust was broken.

After about 24 hours of contemplating what to do, I felt this fierce force gather within me, propelling me to act decisively. There was no way to unsee what I saw. So, I texted the practitioner and expressed my discomfort with her views, as respectfully as I could. I explained that it hurt, and reminded her that I, her long-time client, am a democrat.

Her response was not defensive at all! But, she stood her ground and claimed that it is her job to educate, and suggested, somewhat authoritatively, that one day I would understand.

When the “real” truth comes out.

I saw no way to comfortably continue our association, so I severed the tie, explaining her truth did not resonate with mine.  She graciously accepted my decision.

And then she blocked me from her Facebook page.

This experience rocked me off my center. I kept trying to reconcile the benefits of her healing gifts with the hostility of her world view. After years of overlooking what I suspected she might be thinking, in order to justify my partaking of her wonderful services, I could no longer ignore the cognitive dissonance. Now that I had corroboration of my suspicions, “ignorance is bliss” wasn’t cutting it.

As the days and weeks have passed, I now notice, unmistakably, that my body has relaxed completely. I feel grounded and centered.

What did I learn from this experience?  Honoring my truth, which I deeply questioned for some time, is always the right thing to do.

It is so important to listen to ourselves.  Our feelings, intuitions, inner knowing, physical sensations.  Even, perhaps especially, with someone who says the right things, has a gift for healing, and is a self-ascribed spiritual authority.

It is vital that we cultivate and listen to our God-given BS meter, and respond to its call when it blares, “Get out of this five alarm fire!”

 

2 thoughts on “Listen to your BS Meter”

  1. Beautifully written, Jill! I have not been out of my house much and don’t have many ‘virus stories’ to tell. But I know that feeling of being shamed. I think it messed with my head the most when that sense of shaming came from someone I respect as a healer and speaker of great wisdom. I am learning to follow my gut more now than ever! Thanks for sharing your experience. 🙂

    Like

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